Love,
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Post-op Report
Happy days are here again! I went for my one week post-op visit and everything went wonderfully! My surgery site is healing very nicely with only a tiny little spot of weakness. This spot has bled just a tiny bit since the surgery, and Dr. Walsh just feels like that’s because all of the tension is centered there. Not a big deal, though. I’m only 5-10% “healed” at the site, though, so although simple place-to-place walking is fine, I can’t do any kind of exercise or rigorous activity until it’s more stable. I’m just glad she told me it’s ok to move around good now! And the happiest news is that the path report came back completely clear, so the cancer is GONE! Praise Jesus! We’re all so relieved and thankful to all of our friends and family for all of the meals, prayers and babysitting that’s been necessary over the past week. This all goes to show that TRIBES are NECESSARY, and we sure belong to a great one. We leave this Saturday for Michigan for our Life Action vacation. I’m so glad I’ll get to go with no big worries! So...as I used to say with great confidence...YAY for SUMMER!
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Oh Mr. Sun...
My kids' ages are spread out all over the place. 19 down to a developmental 2-year-old and a couple others thrown in there for good measure and a little extra well-rounded chaos. We got it, though. That's how we like it. My big boy is old enough to remember Barney, that big, annoying, talks-like-he's-got-a-cold purple dinosaur, which means I certainly remember Barney. So there's two songs that Barney-watchers will remember: the 'I Love You' theme song, and 'Oh, Mr. Sun'. I mean, surely you remember those. Like, when you just want to annoy the stink outta somebody, you'd just start singing one of them. Or maybe that's just me.
So, 'Oh, Mr. Sun' comes to mind as of late. And right now you'd probably assume its because you think I missed the ark that sailed from Alabama a few days ago before all of the rain poured down and flooded everything (including my chicken house...my poor hens aren't happy in all of that mud), but its not.
Its because Mr. Sun gave me cancer.
I love the sun. I used to hate it. I didn't like to be hot, or sweaty, or breathe air that was so thick with heat and water you could cut it with a butter knife. But I've totally flipped, and now I can't stand the cold. I love the spring when it starts to get warm, and I love our neighborhood pool in the summer. And the beach....ooooh my goodness. I. LOVE. THE. BEACH. I got to visit Destin for the first time early this month. Craig had a work conference there and I was able to go along for the ride, and I've never seen a lovelier place. I sat on that beach all by myself for two days and it felt so good.
But the sun apparently really isn't your friend. I realize now that all of these medical experts know what they're talking about, and its not really just a threat, because I found out a couple of weeks ago that you really can get skin cancer, and it doesn't always start out with a little warning. Sometimes it just jumps right into melanoma before you get a chance to get your act together.
I started seeing a dermatologist several years ago, just because I did all the things, especially when I was younger. Sunburns, tanning beds, blisters...I really did. But that's just what everybody kinda did. Sunburns hurt, but when they faded, you had a little bit of a "glow" (that's what we call it because it sounds prettier and healthier than a "tan"). And I could fall asleep in a tanning bed. That little fan at the end and that good heat...
But it caught up with me last year when I had my first pre-melanoma cut off of my arm. It wasn't so bad. It was a teenty, tiny little spot that I wouldn't have thought anything about, but my doctor removed it and it was close to being full-blown melanoma. When the path report came back, we realized more had to be cut out, so I went and had that done. After a day in a sling and caring for a few stitches I was fine and dandy. This was in March, so I carried on with summer. LOVED it. LOVE summer.
I had to start seeing my dermatologist every six months, though, for a full skin check. First one was fine, but when I went for my next one, which was a couple of weeks ago, she took a mole that had grown since my last visit. I knew it was there, and I would look at it myself from time to time, but I never thought it looked "bad". It didn't carry a lot of the typical ugly-mole signs you look for when trying to diagnose melanoma, but Dr. Lucas could see that it had grown and she didn't hesitate when she said we needed to take that one off and have it biopsied. I wasn't even nervous when she said that. So she shaved the surface of the mole, send it to the lab, and called me last Tuesday to tell me it came back positive for melanoma.
At that point, I was scared. I knew melanoma wasn't good. I knew that was cancer, and that type of cancer doesn't play. The good news was that it was only a stage 0-1, and that with it being that early, my chances of complete recovery were very good. From what we could tell, it had not spread past the first layer of skin, so treatment beyond surgery wasn't going to be needed at this point.
I was relieved at that. We scheduled surgery for June 6th. The surgeon that was going to work on me called the next day, and because we have a big family vacation coming up on the 9th, we re-scheduled the surgery for yesterday (May 30th) so I would have enough time to heal before we traveled, and because any time you can get rid of cancer earlier, particularly when it buts up right next to a bone, its just a good thing to do instead of letting it sit there.
She told me all the risks from the operation, and because of where it is on my leg (lower shin, right leg), it was just gonna be a hard place to heal and sew back together because there's just not a lot of skin there to work with. There were a few options we talked about, but we decided just to try and sew it up traditionally. She talked about possibly doing a skin graft, but that would just give me another wound. The other option was to leave part of this wound open and let it heal from the inside out, but that would be a longer process, and with us traveling, it just seemed riskier. No matter what we chose, though, the healing process was going to be somewhat painful because of the incision, location and swelling.
So I went in for surgery yesterday. My family had me covered in prayer for all sorts of reasons. For complete removal of the cancer, for recovery, for the doctor...you name it, we all prayed for it. I went in there with a confidence that Jesus stood right beside that doctor, and whatever happened was something that he'd take care of. Start to finish, it took 30-40 minutes. They took a big chunk out of my leg, popped that thing in a bottle, and sent it on its way to a lab somewhere to be analyzed. I've got to be off of my feet with my leg propped up and iced for a week, then I'll go back and see the doctor and figure out where we go from there. It definitely hurts, but our house is typically chaotic, and loud, and fast-paced. And really, I'm usually the one leading the pack keeping everybody on schedule and busy. I think this is the first time ever that I've just been completely down, but we have such a GREAT support system with our family and friends that have provided food and kid help, We don't have a single need that hasn't been met, and I'm so grateful to all of our people! Craig is able to work from home some, and that's such a blessing and I'm happy to not be here by myself. Sitting in a bed or chair all day is bad, but if I had to do it all day with nobody to talk to, well, then my walls would probably be able to tell some stories!
I'm writing because I'm still enough to have the time to do it, and when something goes on in our lives, that's just how I deal with it. Its an outlet, sort of, and I just typically like to talk about things, anyway. And some people are private and don't like to tell a lot of stuff. But, we've been through enough here in the Stewart house that I've learned that it's not a bad thing for people to know and pray for you! And again, I am FINE and once this heals, I expect to make a complete recovery. I'll have to go for more frequent check ups now, but the great thing is that although the chance of melanoma recurrence is greater, there's also a greater chance that it will be caught early and be treated before its able to spread. I'm so thankful for that.
Y'all just take Mr. Sun seriously. This stuff is real, and once you have it, especially, you've got to be so very careful. And if you haven't, then take care of yourself before you do.
Love to all!
Paige
So, 'Oh, Mr. Sun' comes to mind as of late. And right now you'd probably assume its because you think I missed the ark that sailed from Alabama a few days ago before all of the rain poured down and flooded everything (including my chicken house...my poor hens aren't happy in all of that mud), but its not.
Its because Mr. Sun gave me cancer.
I love the sun. I used to hate it. I didn't like to be hot, or sweaty, or breathe air that was so thick with heat and water you could cut it with a butter knife. But I've totally flipped, and now I can't stand the cold. I love the spring when it starts to get warm, and I love our neighborhood pool in the summer. And the beach....ooooh my goodness. I. LOVE. THE. BEACH. I got to visit Destin for the first time early this month. Craig had a work conference there and I was able to go along for the ride, and I've never seen a lovelier place. I sat on that beach all by myself for two days and it felt so good.
But the sun apparently really isn't your friend. I realize now that all of these medical experts know what they're talking about, and its not really just a threat, because I found out a couple of weeks ago that you really can get skin cancer, and it doesn't always start out with a little warning. Sometimes it just jumps right into melanoma before you get a chance to get your act together.
I started seeing a dermatologist several years ago, just because I did all the things, especially when I was younger. Sunburns, tanning beds, blisters...I really did. But that's just what everybody kinda did. Sunburns hurt, but when they faded, you had a little bit of a "glow" (that's what we call it because it sounds prettier and healthier than a "tan"). And I could fall asleep in a tanning bed. That little fan at the end and that good heat...
But it caught up with me last year when I had my first pre-melanoma cut off of my arm. It wasn't so bad. It was a teenty, tiny little spot that I wouldn't have thought anything about, but my doctor removed it and it was close to being full-blown melanoma. When the path report came back, we realized more had to be cut out, so I went and had that done. After a day in a sling and caring for a few stitches I was fine and dandy. This was in March, so I carried on with summer. LOVED it. LOVE summer.
I had to start seeing my dermatologist every six months, though, for a full skin check. First one was fine, but when I went for my next one, which was a couple of weeks ago, she took a mole that had grown since my last visit. I knew it was there, and I would look at it myself from time to time, but I never thought it looked "bad". It didn't carry a lot of the typical ugly-mole signs you look for when trying to diagnose melanoma, but Dr. Lucas could see that it had grown and she didn't hesitate when she said we needed to take that one off and have it biopsied. I wasn't even nervous when she said that. So she shaved the surface of the mole, send it to the lab, and called me last Tuesday to tell me it came back positive for melanoma.
At that point, I was scared. I knew melanoma wasn't good. I knew that was cancer, and that type of cancer doesn't play. The good news was that it was only a stage 0-1, and that with it being that early, my chances of complete recovery were very good. From what we could tell, it had not spread past the first layer of skin, so treatment beyond surgery wasn't going to be needed at this point.
I was relieved at that. We scheduled surgery for June 6th. The surgeon that was going to work on me called the next day, and because we have a big family vacation coming up on the 9th, we re-scheduled the surgery for yesterday (May 30th) so I would have enough time to heal before we traveled, and because any time you can get rid of cancer earlier, particularly when it buts up right next to a bone, its just a good thing to do instead of letting it sit there.
She told me all the risks from the operation, and because of where it is on my leg (lower shin, right leg), it was just gonna be a hard place to heal and sew back together because there's just not a lot of skin there to work with. There were a few options we talked about, but we decided just to try and sew it up traditionally. She talked about possibly doing a skin graft, but that would just give me another wound. The other option was to leave part of this wound open and let it heal from the inside out, but that would be a longer process, and with us traveling, it just seemed riskier. No matter what we chose, though, the healing process was going to be somewhat painful because of the incision, location and swelling.
So I went in for surgery yesterday. My family had me covered in prayer for all sorts of reasons. For complete removal of the cancer, for recovery, for the doctor...you name it, we all prayed for it. I went in there with a confidence that Jesus stood right beside that doctor, and whatever happened was something that he'd take care of. Start to finish, it took 30-40 minutes. They took a big chunk out of my leg, popped that thing in a bottle, and sent it on its way to a lab somewhere to be analyzed. I've got to be off of my feet with my leg propped up and iced for a week, then I'll go back and see the doctor and figure out where we go from there. It definitely hurts, but our house is typically chaotic, and loud, and fast-paced. And really, I'm usually the one leading the pack keeping everybody on schedule and busy. I think this is the first time ever that I've just been completely down, but we have such a GREAT support system with our family and friends that have provided food and kid help, We don't have a single need that hasn't been met, and I'm so grateful to all of our people! Craig is able to work from home some, and that's such a blessing and I'm happy to not be here by myself. Sitting in a bed or chair all day is bad, but if I had to do it all day with nobody to talk to, well, then my walls would probably be able to tell some stories!
I'm writing because I'm still enough to have the time to do it, and when something goes on in our lives, that's just how I deal with it. Its an outlet, sort of, and I just typically like to talk about things, anyway. And some people are private and don't like to tell a lot of stuff. But, we've been through enough here in the Stewart house that I've learned that it's not a bad thing for people to know and pray for you! And again, I am FINE and once this heals, I expect to make a complete recovery. I'll have to go for more frequent check ups now, but the great thing is that although the chance of melanoma recurrence is greater, there's also a greater chance that it will be caught early and be treated before its able to spread. I'm so thankful for that.
Y'all just take Mr. Sun seriously. This stuff is real, and once you have it, especially, you've got to be so very careful. And if you haven't, then take care of yourself before you do.
Love to all!
Paige
Sunday, July 3, 2016
The Oompa-Loompa and the Presidential Office
It's been a REALLY long time since I sat down and wrote anything.
I'm totally not saying that I haven't had note-worthy events in the last lots-and-lots-of-days, I'm just saying that I haven't taken the time to put it all down.
So after lots-and-lots-of-days, I've found something that I want to say, and I seriously can't believe that the content will be what it is.
Let me start off by saying I am not a political person.
In fact, I've never cared about politics. I've never kept up with politics. Politics bore me, and politics make me lose my mind. I don't even know what 75% of the positions I vote for even mean or accomplish.
But this presidential election has gripped me.
I watch Fox News constantly. Why? Because I'm a conservative Christian, and that's what we're supposed to watch. Maybe you agree with that, or maybe you don't, but as a newbie in political talk, that's where I started. I've watched CNN a time or two, but...eh. I'm also a very dramatic person (I like other people's drama, not my own) and sometimes they flail their arms and I like it when Tucker gets all worked up over stuff I might could get worked up over. But...that's what I watch because me and the Fox people are friends now.
And for real, I was watching Fox News before Donald Trump ever made his official announcement that he was running for President. I listened in on the Monday morning phone calls he would make to the studio, and quite frankly, I loved hearing him talk. And for real, I was like, "he should seriously run for President". I didn't know much about the Trumpster. I just knew that he seemed like a man who could make things happen, and maybe he was just a big-talker, but still.
Then came the for real announcement. Donald Trump is running for President. Gulp. I mean, BIG gulp. Oooooh boy. Then came the facts. He's an adulterer. He's a scammer. He only cares about money. He's a hater. He owns strip clubs. And not only that...he's running for the POTUS. And I said once that I wished he'd run for President. So now I've gotta vote for this crazy idiot with REALLY bad hair that's about the most immoral person I've ever heard of.
But by golly, he's gonna build a wall, y'all!
SCREEEEEEEEEECH....(hear it with me)
I watched a lot of the debates. I heard a lot of the jibber jabber from all of the republican candidates. I liked Ben Carson...a lot. But I kinda started losing it for him. He just didn't quite seem to have it all together. Then I sorta got on the Rubio train, then the Christie bus, and John Kasich wasn't all that bad. I was obviously all over the place. But keep in mind, I'm a tiny tot in politics. Don't forget that. There's lots of ignorance involved here, so stay with me before you silently yell at me.
Then come the interest in the Democrats. People, you've got two. Even now. That's it. Hillary. Bernie. Both of them have always seemed like two different bad dreams in politics. They both have their "I can't even..." aspects to them. And still...I just can't even.
But we're just down to one of those, and its Hillary Clinton. HILLARY CLINTON.
I. JUST. CAN'T. EVEN.
(Stay with me. Even if you're mad at me. Stay with me.)
So fast forward lots of days. Again. Last week, James Dobson makes a big announcement. DONALD TRUMP HAS ACCEPTED CHRIST. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Its a miracle. We may have a Christian President after all.
SCREEEEEECH...hear it again?)
I like James Dobson. He has always seemed like a smart, dependable, Godly man. I've read Bringing Up Boys, and trust what that man says. All of us conservative Christian people love James Dobson. Did you know that he's gonna be serving in some capacity on Trump's faith advisory council? He, along with Ben Carson, Jack Graham, and some other people that we've all heard of are on this council and they're gonna be having some Christian talks with him. I don't know what else they're gonna be doing, because I'm still a baby in politics and I'm not sure what all goes on here, remember? But anyway, that sounds good to me.
But James Dobson says that Trump was led to Christ, and he accepted Jesus as his savior.
I hope he did. I really and truly hope he did. And I hope it wasn't for the popular Christian vote. I hope that he truly recognized his sin, repented of his ways, and now longs to have a relationship with the same Jesus I have a relationship with. Know why? Because I can't vote for Hillary. I've seen and read enough of her to know that she's just not where its at (that sounded very political, didn't it?). I just don't believe she can be the President. And there's a whole big list of reasons for that, too, but its for another post four years down the road.
I think I've gotta vote for Mr. Trump.
Not because maybe he's become a Christian, but because we're supposed to vote for the President, and we've got two choices. In an election like this, we're not voting for the best Christian leader for the next four years, because we're not guaranteed a Christian candidate. We've gotta vote for who we believe will lead our country in the right direction. Do I believe its Trump that can do it? Uuuuuhh...maybe? I think so? But I'm really not sure, because again, I'm new to political stuff. And what's really on my mind right now is trying to figure out who is really gonna stop these evil, demon-spirited terrorists from blowing people up all over the world. Who's gonna do that? Trump says he will, and I think I'm gonna go with that for now.
The truth is, I don't know. I really don't.
Just like I don't know for sure if Trump has become a child of God. Only God knows his heart, just like only God knows mine. Trump is no better, and in God's eyes, no worse than the rest of us. I get that we "grade" sin. We do...I do. But God doesn't. I do know that he can forgive, though, and if Donald Trump has asked for forgiveness recently, then God gave him grace that covers it all. I just hope that the oompa-loompa-look-alike doesn't let me down if that's where I cast my vote.
So. We've got an election coming up, and there's a couple of people on the ballot.
What are we gonna do?
Love,
I'm totally not saying that I haven't had note-worthy events in the last lots-and-lots-of-days, I'm just saying that I haven't taken the time to put it all down.
So after lots-and-lots-of-days, I've found something that I want to say, and I seriously can't believe that the content will be what it is.
Let me start off by saying I am not a political person.
In fact, I've never cared about politics. I've never kept up with politics. Politics bore me, and politics make me lose my mind. I don't even know what 75% of the positions I vote for even mean or accomplish.
But this presidential election has gripped me.
I watch Fox News constantly. Why? Because I'm a conservative Christian, and that's what we're supposed to watch. Maybe you agree with that, or maybe you don't, but as a newbie in political talk, that's where I started. I've watched CNN a time or two, but...eh. I'm also a very dramatic person (I like other people's drama, not my own) and sometimes they flail their arms and I like it when Tucker gets all worked up over stuff I might could get worked up over. But...that's what I watch because me and the Fox people are friends now.
And for real, I was watching Fox News before Donald Trump ever made his official announcement that he was running for President. I listened in on the Monday morning phone calls he would make to the studio, and quite frankly, I loved hearing him talk. And for real, I was like, "he should seriously run for President". I didn't know much about the Trumpster. I just knew that he seemed like a man who could make things happen, and maybe he was just a big-talker, but still.
Then came the for real announcement. Donald Trump is running for President. Gulp. I mean, BIG gulp. Oooooh boy. Then came the facts. He's an adulterer. He's a scammer. He only cares about money. He's a hater. He owns strip clubs. And not only that...he's running for the POTUS. And I said once that I wished he'd run for President. So now I've gotta vote for this crazy idiot with REALLY bad hair that's about the most immoral person I've ever heard of.
But by golly, he's gonna build a wall, y'all!
SCREEEEEEEEEECH....(hear it with me)
I watched a lot of the debates. I heard a lot of the jibber jabber from all of the republican candidates. I liked Ben Carson...a lot. But I kinda started losing it for him. He just didn't quite seem to have it all together. Then I sorta got on the Rubio train, then the Christie bus, and John Kasich wasn't all that bad. I was obviously all over the place. But keep in mind, I'm a tiny tot in politics. Don't forget that. There's lots of ignorance involved here, so stay with me before you silently yell at me.
Then come the interest in the Democrats. People, you've got two. Even now. That's it. Hillary. Bernie. Both of them have always seemed like two different bad dreams in politics. They both have their "I can't even..." aspects to them. And still...I just can't even.
But we're just down to one of those, and its Hillary Clinton. HILLARY CLINTON.
I. JUST. CAN'T. EVEN.
(Stay with me. Even if you're mad at me. Stay with me.)
So fast forward lots of days. Again. Last week, James Dobson makes a big announcement. DONALD TRUMP HAS ACCEPTED CHRIST. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Its a miracle. We may have a Christian President after all.
SCREEEEEECH...hear it again?)
I like James Dobson. He has always seemed like a smart, dependable, Godly man. I've read Bringing Up Boys, and trust what that man says. All of us conservative Christian people love James Dobson. Did you know that he's gonna be serving in some capacity on Trump's faith advisory council? He, along with Ben Carson, Jack Graham, and some other people that we've all heard of are on this council and they're gonna be having some Christian talks with him. I don't know what else they're gonna be doing, because I'm still a baby in politics and I'm not sure what all goes on here, remember? But anyway, that sounds good to me.
But James Dobson says that Trump was led to Christ, and he accepted Jesus as his savior.
I hope he did. I really and truly hope he did. And I hope it wasn't for the popular Christian vote. I hope that he truly recognized his sin, repented of his ways, and now longs to have a relationship with the same Jesus I have a relationship with. Know why? Because I can't vote for Hillary. I've seen and read enough of her to know that she's just not where its at (that sounded very political, didn't it?). I just don't believe she can be the President. And there's a whole big list of reasons for that, too, but its for another post four years down the road.
I think I've gotta vote for Mr. Trump.
Not because maybe he's become a Christian, but because we're supposed to vote for the President, and we've got two choices. In an election like this, we're not voting for the best Christian leader for the next four years, because we're not guaranteed a Christian candidate. We've gotta vote for who we believe will lead our country in the right direction. Do I believe its Trump that can do it? Uuuuuhh...maybe? I think so? But I'm really not sure, because again, I'm new to political stuff. And what's really on my mind right now is trying to figure out who is really gonna stop these evil, demon-spirited terrorists from blowing people up all over the world. Who's gonna do that? Trump says he will, and I think I'm gonna go with that for now.
The truth is, I don't know. I really don't.
Just like I don't know for sure if Trump has become a child of God. Only God knows his heart, just like only God knows mine. Trump is no better, and in God's eyes, no worse than the rest of us. I get that we "grade" sin. We do...I do. But God doesn't. I do know that he can forgive, though, and if Donald Trump has asked for forgiveness recently, then God gave him grace that covers it all. I just hope that the oompa-loompa-look-alike doesn't let me down if that's where I cast my vote.
So. We've got an election coming up, and there's a couple of people on the ballot.
What are we gonna do?
Love,
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
A Fight Like No Other
I know.
I'm such a quitter. Its been foreverish since I wrote anything. Why? Because I have all these people to take care of. And things. And animals. That's not a complaint, its just a reason. I mean, I'm glad to have the reason, but there's just no time to sit and ponder, or write, or think, or look for baby chipmunks. (If you're lost now, read the latest FB post.) Life is just different. Good, but different.
So if there's this much going on, something must be of utmost importance for me to be able to squeeze out a few to sit and pour out my heart.
And there is. Something of great importance that I can't hold in anymore.
Last week, I watched a video that went viral on social media that's really changed my life. It was a video about a young man that's fighting a horrible skin disease that has left his body horribly wounded and scarred. He lives in constant pain every. single. day. Its a disease that doesn't leave much room for optimism, as most kids diagnosed with it don't live to see 25. If you watch the video, though, you'll find that this boy has an outlook on life that doesn't quite fit the profile of what he deals with. He smiles so much, and the way he views his life is filled with words of so much wisdom and maturity for a boy of his age. It leaves you walking away with a sense of inspiration and motivation, and it leaves you feeling like this young man is someone we should all look up to, regardless of our age or condition.
But as I listened to him talk, I began to wonder. What does his eternity look like? He's battled this horrible, painful disease throughout his entire life. Where does he get his sense of hope? I began scouring the internet to see what I could find about this boy. He spoke of his family as being his main source of strength and comfort. His mother, he says, is his nurse, his best friend, his helper...just, his mother. He draws what he needs from her presence, and you can see that he loves her so much. And she loves him. Absolutely adores him. He's obviously her reason to be able to get up and smile everyday. In my opinion, someone should split the Nobel Peace Prize down the middle and let this boy and his mama share it.
But, still. I needed to find something to fulfill my desire to know if this boy is, well, SAVED. Like, saved by the redeeming blood of Jesus. I wasn't able to find anything. I researched for a couple of days, and the more time I spent doing this, the more my mind started playing tricks on me. Or was it?
Monday was the day I first watched the video. By that night, I was in a struggle. It was close to 11 and I was already in bed, but I clearly felt the Lord directing me to a path that I haven't traveled that often. I've spoken to people in groups before, but there's only been very few times that I have shared Jesus with someone on a one-on-one type basis. That's a hard thing to admit, but most of y'all know I'm sometimes painfully honest and open, even when its not exactly the right thing to say.
I got up and found some contact information for this boy's mama, and I poured out my heart through the world wide web. I was able to share Jesus through my own experiences with heartache and hardship in written form. That method wasn't so bad, because its easier to deal with potential rejection if its not quite so personal. We've all experienced those difficult times, but particularly through our experience with the twins, I could identify with seeing your own flesh and blood suffer. I typed out what I wanted to say, then with my hand on the screen, I prayed and asked the Lord to bless those words and make them effective.
My hope was that my job was done, and it probably should've been. The problem was that I continued to let the thoughts in my mind fester. As the days of last week went on, I began to experience a fight like I never had before . . . ever. My sweet friend, Boots, later told me, "Girl you're experiencing some serious spiritual warfare, and you've gotta step back and stop playing God".
I was making up some horrible images in my head. I was thinking of this kid and his sweet mother constantly. It was literally consuming me and bringing me into a place I've never been. I began to cry almost daily for this family. I was in a horrible mood all the time with my own family. I knew I had done what God wanted me to do, but in my mind, it just wasn't enough. In my mind, what God may have for this boy may not be enough. I had already assumed his eternal future, and it wasn't what I thought it should be. Regardless of what this kid already believes or doesn't, in my mind, it wasn't right.
Everything came to blows Saturday night. I couldn't function anymore. I'm telling you, it was literally evil vs. good. The thoughts I had been having absolutely, 100% were not of God. Not even close. These thoughts of doubt came straight from the pit of Hell, and I couldn't overcome them anymore. I broke down and was in a complete tailspin, and told Craig that I was at a point that I couldn't handle it anymore.
He called my daddy. Most of y'all know that my daddy is a pastor. My daddy walked in my door that night armed with a love for me and the Word of God. He shared several verses of scripture with me and helped me to understand that no matter what good I intend to do, I can't grab the reins from Jesus. No matter how much I fear, or worry, or doubt, I'm not in control. He also reminded me that no matter how much good is in my heart, if I'm not vigilant, Satan can twist all of that good and turn it into something ugly if God isn't my focus in my attempts.
God wasn't in my focus. He was in the background somewhere, because my desire for this family to know Him is what started this whole thing. But he wasn't in control anymore.
Daddy said, "Read Phillipians 4:4-6." Know what it says? "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Peace. I was chock-full of anxious, and I needed peace.
He told me to read it, and I couldn't get through it once without tears again. Why? Because it brought relief. Burden-lifting peace. The fight was winding down. I could feel it. Those words brought peace, as only the mind and heart of Jesus can do.
He also shared Deuteronomy 29:29 with me: "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."
I'm not gonna pretend that I know exactly what in the world this verse it talking about, but it clearly states that there's a lot of God and what He does that we don't know. Some things we do, but you can be sure that He's got a secret compartment in that mind of His that we don't know of. For some reason, that spoke to me in a way that I don't think anything else could have in that moment.
So.
I don't know why exactly it is that I'm letting everybody know about what happened to me last week. What I do know is that God is doing a work in my life. I've felt a stirring within my soul for a couple of months, and my Bootsie says that this experience has been a preparatory storm in my life for what God is wanting to accomplish in me.
I know that I can't "save" the whole world. But I also know that God has placed a deeper desire for those that are lost and without Christ in my heart that I haven't felt before. I will continue to pray every day for this frail teenage boy and his mama, because they're close to my heart now. I may never know what the outcome of my prayers are, but I don't have to. All I can do now is pray, and that's ok. God's word tells me that, sometimes, that's all we're to do. Sometimes. Other times, we have bigger parts to play. I'm more open to that than ever.
I hope somebody else may find comfort in this. If you do, let me know. We can pray for each other, the world, and those individuals he places on our hearts together.
And one more thing . . .
God, Jesus, the Bible . . . if these things aren't something you're familiar with and you want to figure all of this out, please send me a message through Facebook or to my email address: paigestewart0120@hotmail.com. What you find out will change your life. I promise.
Love y'all.
Paige
I'm such a quitter. Its been foreverish since I wrote anything. Why? Because I have all these people to take care of. And things. And animals. That's not a complaint, its just a reason. I mean, I'm glad to have the reason, but there's just no time to sit and ponder, or write, or think, or look for baby chipmunks. (If you're lost now, read the latest FB post.) Life is just different. Good, but different.
So if there's this much going on, something must be of utmost importance for me to be able to squeeze out a few to sit and pour out my heart.
And there is. Something of great importance that I can't hold in anymore.
Last week, I watched a video that went viral on social media that's really changed my life. It was a video about a young man that's fighting a horrible skin disease that has left his body horribly wounded and scarred. He lives in constant pain every. single. day. Its a disease that doesn't leave much room for optimism, as most kids diagnosed with it don't live to see 25. If you watch the video, though, you'll find that this boy has an outlook on life that doesn't quite fit the profile of what he deals with. He smiles so much, and the way he views his life is filled with words of so much wisdom and maturity for a boy of his age. It leaves you walking away with a sense of inspiration and motivation, and it leaves you feeling like this young man is someone we should all look up to, regardless of our age or condition.
But as I listened to him talk, I began to wonder. What does his eternity look like? He's battled this horrible, painful disease throughout his entire life. Where does he get his sense of hope? I began scouring the internet to see what I could find about this boy. He spoke of his family as being his main source of strength and comfort. His mother, he says, is his nurse, his best friend, his helper...just, his mother. He draws what he needs from her presence, and you can see that he loves her so much. And she loves him. Absolutely adores him. He's obviously her reason to be able to get up and smile everyday. In my opinion, someone should split the Nobel Peace Prize down the middle and let this boy and his mama share it.
But, still. I needed to find something to fulfill my desire to know if this boy is, well, SAVED. Like, saved by the redeeming blood of Jesus. I wasn't able to find anything. I researched for a couple of days, and the more time I spent doing this, the more my mind started playing tricks on me. Or was it?
Monday was the day I first watched the video. By that night, I was in a struggle. It was close to 11 and I was already in bed, but I clearly felt the Lord directing me to a path that I haven't traveled that often. I've spoken to people in groups before, but there's only been very few times that I have shared Jesus with someone on a one-on-one type basis. That's a hard thing to admit, but most of y'all know I'm sometimes painfully honest and open, even when its not exactly the right thing to say.
I got up and found some contact information for this boy's mama, and I poured out my heart through the world wide web. I was able to share Jesus through my own experiences with heartache and hardship in written form. That method wasn't so bad, because its easier to deal with potential rejection if its not quite so personal. We've all experienced those difficult times, but particularly through our experience with the twins, I could identify with seeing your own flesh and blood suffer. I typed out what I wanted to say, then with my hand on the screen, I prayed and asked the Lord to bless those words and make them effective.
My hope was that my job was done, and it probably should've been. The problem was that I continued to let the thoughts in my mind fester. As the days of last week went on, I began to experience a fight like I never had before . . . ever. My sweet friend, Boots, later told me, "Girl you're experiencing some serious spiritual warfare, and you've gotta step back and stop playing God".
I was making up some horrible images in my head. I was thinking of this kid and his sweet mother constantly. It was literally consuming me and bringing me into a place I've never been. I began to cry almost daily for this family. I was in a horrible mood all the time with my own family. I knew I had done what God wanted me to do, but in my mind, it just wasn't enough. In my mind, what God may have for this boy may not be enough. I had already assumed his eternal future, and it wasn't what I thought it should be. Regardless of what this kid already believes or doesn't, in my mind, it wasn't right.
Everything came to blows Saturday night. I couldn't function anymore. I'm telling you, it was literally evil vs. good. The thoughts I had been having absolutely, 100% were not of God. Not even close. These thoughts of doubt came straight from the pit of Hell, and I couldn't overcome them anymore. I broke down and was in a complete tailspin, and told Craig that I was at a point that I couldn't handle it anymore.
He called my daddy. Most of y'all know that my daddy is a pastor. My daddy walked in my door that night armed with a love for me and the Word of God. He shared several verses of scripture with me and helped me to understand that no matter what good I intend to do, I can't grab the reins from Jesus. No matter how much I fear, or worry, or doubt, I'm not in control. He also reminded me that no matter how much good is in my heart, if I'm not vigilant, Satan can twist all of that good and turn it into something ugly if God isn't my focus in my attempts.
God wasn't in my focus. He was in the background somewhere, because my desire for this family to know Him is what started this whole thing. But he wasn't in control anymore.
Daddy said, "Read Phillipians 4:4-6." Know what it says? "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Peace. I was chock-full of anxious, and I needed peace.
He told me to read it, and I couldn't get through it once without tears again. Why? Because it brought relief. Burden-lifting peace. The fight was winding down. I could feel it. Those words brought peace, as only the mind and heart of Jesus can do.
He also shared Deuteronomy 29:29 with me: "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."
I'm not gonna pretend that I know exactly what in the world this verse it talking about, but it clearly states that there's a lot of God and what He does that we don't know. Some things we do, but you can be sure that He's got a secret compartment in that mind of His that we don't know of. For some reason, that spoke to me in a way that I don't think anything else could have in that moment.
So.
I don't know why exactly it is that I'm letting everybody know about what happened to me last week. What I do know is that God is doing a work in my life. I've felt a stirring within my soul for a couple of months, and my Bootsie says that this experience has been a preparatory storm in my life for what God is wanting to accomplish in me.
I know that I can't "save" the whole world. But I also know that God has placed a deeper desire for those that are lost and without Christ in my heart that I haven't felt before. I will continue to pray every day for this frail teenage boy and his mama, because they're close to my heart now. I may never know what the outcome of my prayers are, but I don't have to. All I can do now is pray, and that's ok. God's word tells me that, sometimes, that's all we're to do. Sometimes. Other times, we have bigger parts to play. I'm more open to that than ever.
I hope somebody else may find comfort in this. If you do, let me know. We can pray for each other, the world, and those individuals he places on our hearts together.
And one more thing . . .
God, Jesus, the Bible . . . if these things aren't something you're familiar with and you want to figure all of this out, please send me a message through Facebook or to my email address: paigestewart0120@hotmail.com. What you find out will change your life. I promise.
Love y'all.
Paige
Monday, November 25, 2013
Life Today
I kinda feel like I need Craig's permission before I write this post. You know, just to make sure we're on the same page with everything. I think that he'd agree with what I'm gonna let you in on here, though, so I'll fire away.
So, with great fear of jinxing everything I'm about to update everybody on, I'll go ahead and say that I think things have finally gotten into a pattern of leveling out. And that's good. Very good indeed. Why? Because for a while, I seriously thought that my capabilities were greatly waning. I was questioning everything, and I really wasn't sure if I was doing things even a little bit right. Lately, though, I've even sat down in the recliner in the living room and watched a little HGTV when the kiddos all hit the sack. THAT is PROGRESS!
These days are different. Some days are a lot different, some days are a little different, and some days still require a great deal of Dt. Mt. Dew. But all in all, things are getting easier.
Maya's eating is going very, very well. She's taking all of her meals by spoon now, with virtually no bottle feedings at all, except for fluids. She's off all baby food (with the exception of fruits, just because baby food is easier) and she eats the same food we eat. My mom bought a Baby Bullet for us to use, so we puree everything that she eats. She's still not chewing regularly. She likes the flavor of yogurt melts, so I use that to manually help her learn to move her jaw up and down. She seems to like the way it sounds when she uses her teeth, so that's a little motivation for her to do it on her own. She won't do it for long, though, and she still doesn't know what to do with the food once its chewed up. Again, its another new sensation for her that she'll have to get used to, but just like the other I'm confident that she'll pick it up when she's ready. For now, we're just crazy happy to get her meals out of a bottle and into a spoon.
She's started school at the Sprayberry Center. She goes on Mondays and Fridays, and here she receives occupational therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy. When I picked her up today, I got the chance to see her in action with her physical therapist and was able to talk to her about her progress and where we may see her at the end of the school year. The therapist was helping her move from a sitting to standing position, and she said that she was very happy with where Maya was right now. She expects Maya to have some orthotics soon to help her with support, primarily because her feet are so tiny. Keep in mind that she's 3 1/2 and she's wearing a toddler size 3 in a shoe. Just to give you a comparison, Daisee just turned four and she's in a 10. She also expects to for Maya to be using a walker in the next few months, because her core support is increasing so well. The grand result is that we fully expect her to be walking by the end of the school year. This is fantastic news, obviously, and that day will certainly be welcomed with open arms. And yes, we're still trying our darndest to get into RISE. We'll keep trying until we eventually (hopefully) get accepted.
So, with great fear of jinxing everything I'm about to update everybody on, I'll go ahead and say that I think things have finally gotten into a pattern of leveling out. And that's good. Very good indeed. Why? Because for a while, I seriously thought that my capabilities were greatly waning. I was questioning everything, and I really wasn't sure if I was doing things even a little bit right. Lately, though, I've even sat down in the recliner in the living room and watched a little HGTV when the kiddos all hit the sack. THAT is PROGRESS!
These days are different. Some days are a lot different, some days are a little different, and some days still require a great deal of Dt. Mt. Dew. But all in all, things are getting easier.
Maya's eating is going very, very well. She's taking all of her meals by spoon now, with virtually no bottle feedings at all, except for fluids. She's off all baby food (with the exception of fruits, just because baby food is easier) and she eats the same food we eat. My mom bought a Baby Bullet for us to use, so we puree everything that she eats. She's still not chewing regularly. She likes the flavor of yogurt melts, so I use that to manually help her learn to move her jaw up and down. She seems to like the way it sounds when she uses her teeth, so that's a little motivation for her to do it on her own. She won't do it for long, though, and she still doesn't know what to do with the food once its chewed up. Again, its another new sensation for her that she'll have to get used to, but just like the other I'm confident that she'll pick it up when she's ready. For now, we're just crazy happy to get her meals out of a bottle and into a spoon.
She's started school at the Sprayberry Center. She goes on Mondays and Fridays, and here she receives occupational therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy. When I picked her up today, I got the chance to see her in action with her physical therapist and was able to talk to her about her progress and where we may see her at the end of the school year. The therapist was helping her move from a sitting to standing position, and she said that she was very happy with where Maya was right now. She expects Maya to have some orthotics soon to help her with support, primarily because her feet are so tiny. Keep in mind that she's 3 1/2 and she's wearing a toddler size 3 in a shoe. Just to give you a comparison, Daisee just turned four and she's in a 10. She also expects to for Maya to be using a walker in the next few months, because her core support is increasing so well. The grand result is that we fully expect her to be walking by the end of the school year. This is fantastic news, obviously, and that day will certainly be welcomed with open arms. And yes, we're still trying our darndest to get into RISE. We'll keep trying until we eventually (hopefully) get accepted.
(Sorry that you're so blurry, Mattie. Its just a cute pic of Maya that I needed to use.)
The other kids are making it in this big ol' family of six. Ryan just returned from the Ironman Competition at Auburn University. His CAP squadron competed as a team of six. They didn't place in the top three, but I'm just extremely proud that he put his heart and soul into trying. There were all sorts of physical tests they had to put themselves through, and I really wasn't sure he'd be all into competing, but he was excited to go, but EXHAUSTED when he came back. I guess doing 600 sit-ups in less than 24 hours will do that to you.
Daisee is still queen bee, with all of her eye-rolling and attitude-ing going on. She's really kinda becoming a little sassy-pants, and we're having to put her in her place a little more than we used to. I mean, we discipline, then turn the corner and go laugh when she says, "oh, grief . . ." at the thought of doing something she was told to do that wasn't exactly on her agenda at the moment. We were hoping that when she had her checkup for her eyes a couple of weeks ago, we would see a little improvement, but we got nada. One of her eyes sees 20/30, which isn't that terrible, but the other sees 20/70 which is just awful. We're trying some prescription eye drops to try and strengthen the weak eye, and we'll go back in January to see what kind of progress we're making with those. In the meantime, she'll just keep wearing her glasses and look cute.
Gavin is still doing well with homeschooling. We're not attending co-op anymore, but he and I take Fridays and do something fun. A couple of weeks ago we just had a science experiment day and got to make our own weather station and all sorts of goopy, gooey stuff . . .
We also got to go to All Fired Up one week and get artistic. He's doin' up his own little soap dispenser . . . 'cause he's a germophobe and all. He doesn't mind telling you that, either.
I know most of you want the dish on the kids, but for those that like a little romance in there with their comedy, Craig and I are still all up into each other, too. Date nights continue to be a must, the occasional bouquet of flowers gets brought in, and an occasional 'just because' peck on the cheek continues to be appreciated and loved. As I look back over the last seven years, God has truly had his hand all over us and our family. I just never dreamed that all of this 'stuff' would happen when I joined forces with Craig Stewart. Lots of ups and downs . . . LOTS. But there's nobody in the world I'd rather ride the coaster with. Another challenge? Bring it.
Just not today. Property Brothers is about show, and I'd like to see that first.
Love,
Paige
Monday, November 4, 2013
Craig's Interview With Mark Foster of How To Be A Dad Today
A couple of weeks ago, Craig was contacted by Lifeline to participate in an interview with Mark Foster. Mark plays many roles in his life being a pastor (Liberty Baptist Church - Holly Ridge, NC) , public speaker, dad, and husband. He also operates a website (www.howtobeadadtoday.com) that focuses on helping fathers become the men God has designed them to be.
He contacted Craig last week and asked him to participate in his weekly podcast. The interview focuses on special needs adoption, and he did a terrific job sharing his heart with the listeners. If you're interested, the link below will take you directly to the interview that was aired last Thursday.
http://www.howtobeadadtoday.com/special
He contacted Craig last week and asked him to participate in his weekly podcast. The interview focuses on special needs adoption, and he did a terrific job sharing his heart with the listeners. If you're interested, the link below will take you directly to the interview that was aired last Thursday.
http://www.howtobeadadtoday.com/special
Friday, October 25, 2013
Has Anybody Seen The Butter?
I'm back.
But I'm not so sure you should get used to it. Things the last three weeks or so have gone so crazy, that I've begun to question the basic things I thought I knew the answer to. Things like, "are these my socks?" , and "how did the butter end up in the bathroom cabinet?" are common types of questions that we hear on a daily basis now. And I really don't know how to answer those things, because people, I have lost it.
Sanity.
I literally tossed it about three weeks ago.
I'm realizing that craziness and chaos are what is going to consume this family for the next decade. DECADE. At least.
Things have gotten hard. Really hard. There is NO time to sit down. EVER. We live every day literally completing one task only to start on another, and we're just plain worn out.
Maya's eating took a nose dive. She was doing so well the last time I wrote a blog post, but then she just stopped, and we have no clue as to what happened. It was like the spoon terrified her again, and we were getting nowhere fast. The frustration over this was about to eat us alive. How could she do it one day, and then seem like she'd never done it at all the next? And how in the world do you start all over in trying to teach somebody how to just simply swallow? These are things that we all take so forgranted. Just eating. Maya doesn't yet have the cognition to just be able to eat, and its so incredibly hard to try and teach her when all she wants to do is shoot it back out. I can't tell you how many times I've just broken down completely and SOBBED over this. We're still in the process of coming back out of the cave on this issue, but the last few days have been better. We think we've found a routine that seems to work for now, so until that turns into roadkill we'll keep doing what works for now.
Things with the other kids have been at a non-stop pace, too. Ryan has had football stuff every day, he and Gavin have gone back and forth to their dad's, doctor's appointments for everybody, we've all had this cruddy allergy/sinus stuff . . . seriously. Just nonstop SOMETHING all of the time.
There was one day that I just literally BROKE. I was tired, I hadn't even carried on a conversation with my sweet husband the whole week, and stuff was breaking all over the place. I sat on Ryan's bed and just wept while my mom listened. That was truly my point of despair.
This is all so hard. We feel like we had kinda breezed through the first couple of months of bringing Maya home. But then everything started happening at once and 'the way it is' wasn't the way we really wanted it to be. Something had to change, because if it didn't we were going to literally end up in a heap on top of each other.
I was able to regroup and refocus. Around the same time this happened, when I was questioning everything about what we had done (don't judge . . . y'all know I tell it all), I got notification that one of the little boys I had specifically prayed for in Bulgaria had died. In his same institution, in his same crib, with no one. He had died, and God reminded me all over again why we did what we did.
He reminded me again that this task he sent us to accomplish wasn't going to be an easy one. We thought we realized this in our heads, but once we began to put LIFE into practice, it started getting difficult. Everything about it was squeezing us, and what was coming out wasn't what should've been.
Since that point, things have been on the upswing. As I said before, Maya's eating is getting a little better. But we know, now, that it could bottom out all over again. We're prepared, and we're not gonna fight her this time. We'll wait until she's ready again and start over. Football for TCHS is almost over. Maya is scheduled to have surgery on her eyes November 1st to open up both tear ducts, but after that and a follow-up, hopefully we'll be done with doctor's appointments for a while. Craig and I have made it a point that, at least every couple of weeks, we need to get out by ourselves for a real date. Its hard to remember to do that when things are so fast paced, but its a priority. So whether there's technically money for a babysitter in the budget or not, we're headed out to hold hands and be mushy for a while.
We had a great day today. My mom and I loaded up the little kids, along with John William and Eli, and we went to the Barnyard for a little field trip. The weather was beautiful and there was so much for them to do. I wasn't sure how Maya would do in an environment like this, but I think she had a great time. I took lots of pictures . . .
But I'm not so sure you should get used to it. Things the last three weeks or so have gone so crazy, that I've begun to question the basic things I thought I knew the answer to. Things like, "are these my socks?" , and "how did the butter end up in the bathroom cabinet?" are common types of questions that we hear on a daily basis now. And I really don't know how to answer those things, because people, I have lost it.
Sanity.
I literally tossed it about three weeks ago.
I'm realizing that craziness and chaos are what is going to consume this family for the next decade. DECADE. At least.
Things have gotten hard. Really hard. There is NO time to sit down. EVER. We live every day literally completing one task only to start on another, and we're just plain worn out.
Maya's eating took a nose dive. She was doing so well the last time I wrote a blog post, but then she just stopped, and we have no clue as to what happened. It was like the spoon terrified her again, and we were getting nowhere fast. The frustration over this was about to eat us alive. How could she do it one day, and then seem like she'd never done it at all the next? And how in the world do you start all over in trying to teach somebody how to just simply swallow? These are things that we all take so forgranted. Just eating. Maya doesn't yet have the cognition to just be able to eat, and its so incredibly hard to try and teach her when all she wants to do is shoot it back out. I can't tell you how many times I've just broken down completely and SOBBED over this. We're still in the process of coming back out of the cave on this issue, but the last few days have been better. We think we've found a routine that seems to work for now, so until that turns into roadkill we'll keep doing what works for now.
Things with the other kids have been at a non-stop pace, too. Ryan has had football stuff every day, he and Gavin have gone back and forth to their dad's, doctor's appointments for everybody, we've all had this cruddy allergy/sinus stuff . . . seriously. Just nonstop SOMETHING all of the time.
There was one day that I just literally BROKE. I was tired, I hadn't even carried on a conversation with my sweet husband the whole week, and stuff was breaking all over the place. I sat on Ryan's bed and just wept while my mom listened. That was truly my point of despair.
This is all so hard. We feel like we had kinda breezed through the first couple of months of bringing Maya home. But then everything started happening at once and 'the way it is' wasn't the way we really wanted it to be. Something had to change, because if it didn't we were going to literally end up in a heap on top of each other.
I was able to regroup and refocus. Around the same time this happened, when I was questioning everything about what we had done (don't judge . . . y'all know I tell it all), I got notification that one of the little boys I had specifically prayed for in Bulgaria had died. In his same institution, in his same crib, with no one. He had died, and God reminded me all over again why we did what we did.
He reminded me again that this task he sent us to accomplish wasn't going to be an easy one. We thought we realized this in our heads, but once we began to put LIFE into practice, it started getting difficult. Everything about it was squeezing us, and what was coming out wasn't what should've been.
Since that point, things have been on the upswing. As I said before, Maya's eating is getting a little better. But we know, now, that it could bottom out all over again. We're prepared, and we're not gonna fight her this time. We'll wait until she's ready again and start over. Football for TCHS is almost over. Maya is scheduled to have surgery on her eyes November 1st to open up both tear ducts, but after that and a follow-up, hopefully we'll be done with doctor's appointments for a while. Craig and I have made it a point that, at least every couple of weeks, we need to get out by ourselves for a real date. Its hard to remember to do that when things are so fast paced, but its a priority. So whether there's technically money for a babysitter in the budget or not, we're headed out to hold hands and be mushy for a while.
We had a great day today. My mom and I loaded up the little kids, along with John William and Eli, and we went to the Barnyard for a little field trip. The weather was beautiful and there was so much for them to do. I wasn't sure how Maya would do in an environment like this, but I think she had a great time. I took lots of pictures . . .
The pigs were definitely my favorite. Cutest. Things. Ever.
If it looks like Daisee was squeezing this defenseless chick to death, that's because she absolutely was. At one point, the poor thing couldn't even open its eyes because of the pressure of that sweet little hand of hers.
Maya liked the chick for 3.47 seconds . . .
Gavin loves this picture. Its his 'photo bomb' that cracks him up . . .
Hayride . . .
And my favorite two pics . . .
This one below is definitely the picture of the day. A Maya first . . . this is what brings the smile to my face when I REMEMBER why God chose US . . .
Simple delight.
Just keep praying for all of us here. We know there will be ups and downs, but sometimes we just need these reminders.
Love to all,
Paige
Friday, September 27, 2013
Little Faker
See this chickadee?
She's been foolin' us.
All this time. That girl has been all, "but I can't eat with a spoon! They're the spawn of the devil himself, and you're NOT. PUTTIN'. THAT. IN. MY. MOUTH. I don't even know what to do with that nastiness that comes off of that thing."
I mean, she may have some mental delays (whatever), but that sneaky little smile up there says it all. I can hear it in her head even now. "Nanny, nanny, boo boo!" She's loved every bit of it, I'm sure, but . . . GAME OVER! Do you HEAR ME?! For the past four days, missy Maya has been downin' some spoon feedin'.
Four days ago, Craig said, "I don't know what's happening, but she's just gettin' it"! So, yesterday Craig was gone and I decided to test the waters myself. You see, kiddo and I hadn't been meshin' real well at feeding time. We decided it was probably best that Craiggers take over for a while. But yesterday . . . I mean, it had NO.THING. to do with jealousy of seeing the baby whisperer take control of the food reins and knock it outta the park . . . I don't think. I just wanted to see what *might* would happen if I sat down at the high chair. I envisioned an old western film where the two dudes are gettin' ready to do one of those gunslingin' duels. You know, the 'let's see who moves first' kinda deal? I stared at her, and she stared at me. She knew it was comin', and she darn well knew what she had up her sleeve.
I brought out my guns (i.e. baby food) and she brought out hers (i.e. tongue). From that point on, the battle raged. Fast forward, people, and I WIN. I WIN.I stuck with it . . .
Ok, ok . . . enough. Seriously. The real story? Maya wins. She's three-years-old, and she's gettin' the hang of finally learning what its like to eat like a three-year-old. We sat down tonight after last night's jar-and-a-half success and tried again. A jar-and-a-half. It wasn't pretty, and her bib looked like a rejected Picasso canvas, but she got at least half of it in her belly. Tonight? Even better. Tonight we got even braver. We managed to empty TWO JARS and a little bit of oatmeal cereal when things got a bit too soupy. And we managed to do it with about half of the mess we made last night.
Things got exciting around here for a while. We were all yellin' and hollerin', and she was gettin' down with it, too, with her little grins and all.
I've tried to hold all of this optimism back thinking it may have just been a fluke. But I think we may have it! I emailed her therapist yesterday, and she replied back saying at some point, it just has to click. I think Maya's brain may have been hearin' a morse code machine or something, because that's exactly what it did. It just clicked. PRAISE. THE. LORD.
This is honestly a ginormous answer to many, many prayers. There were times my mind was seriously wondering stuff about feeding tubes, and there was even a tiny bit of discussion about it with the therapist last week. Nothing like we were about to 'go there', but we all just talked about it. God heard us, though, and as usual, he came through . . . shinin' like a Porter Wagoner outfit, I tell ya.
In other news . . .
We had our final checkup with the cardiologist today. He said that every time he examines her, he learns something new. This time he did a lot of imaging with her pulmonary valve. This is what Dr. Chambers said may have to eventually be replaced. He explained that sometimes with the kind of surgery Maya had, they surgeon will cut completely through the valve to do whatever it is he needs to do. That pretty much makes the valve useless, and it has to be repaired immediately. He didn't say this, but I imagine that they probably take care of this while they're doing the surgery for the original problem. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but . . . well, you know.
Anyway, They didn't cut through her entire valve, but they did cut through part of it, which kinda made it a one way street. Go 'all or nothin' with me here, ok? Basically, her valve works some, but not exactly like it should. Its all good for now, sorta like her patch covering up that hole, but eventually that valve will probably have to be repaired, too. So now we're looking at two eventual problems. Nothing in the near future, but when she really gets growing they'll have to be addressed. I guess when I said 'final checkup', I just meant that we don't have to go every month anymore. He still wants to see us every 6-8 months to keep checking on those other pesky little issues.
But for now, well, we're just gonna eat. And I'm ok with that.
And since you're so happy for us, too, go make yourself a sundae. It's Friday, people.
Love,
Paige
She's been foolin' us.
All this time. That girl has been all, "but I can't eat with a spoon! They're the spawn of the devil himself, and you're NOT. PUTTIN'. THAT. IN. MY. MOUTH. I don't even know what to do with that nastiness that comes off of that thing."
I mean, she may have some mental delays (whatever), but that sneaky little smile up there says it all. I can hear it in her head even now. "Nanny, nanny, boo boo!" She's loved every bit of it, I'm sure, but . . . GAME OVER! Do you HEAR ME?! For the past four days, missy Maya has been downin' some spoon feedin'.
Four days ago, Craig said, "I don't know what's happening, but she's just gettin' it"! So, yesterday Craig was gone and I decided to test the waters myself. You see, kiddo and I hadn't been meshin' real well at feeding time. We decided it was probably best that Craiggers take over for a while. But yesterday . . . I mean, it had NO.THING. to do with jealousy of seeing the baby whisperer take control of the food reins and knock it outta the park . . . I don't think. I just wanted to see what *might* would happen if I sat down at the high chair. I envisioned an old western film where the two dudes are gettin' ready to do one of those gunslingin' duels. You know, the 'let's see who moves first' kinda deal? I stared at her, and she stared at me. She knew it was comin', and she darn well knew what she had up her sleeve.
I brought out my guns (i.e. baby food) and she brought out hers (i.e. tongue). From that point on, the battle raged. Fast forward, people, and I WIN. I WIN.
Ok, ok . . . enough. Seriously. The real story? Maya wins. She's three-years-old, and she's gettin' the hang of finally learning what its like to eat like a three-year-old. We sat down tonight after last night's jar-and-a-half success and tried again. A jar-and-a-half. It wasn't pretty, and her bib looked like a rejected Picasso canvas, but she got at least half of it in her belly. Tonight? Even better. Tonight we got even braver. We managed to empty TWO JARS and a little bit of oatmeal cereal when things got a bit too soupy. And we managed to do it with about half of the mess we made last night.
Things got exciting around here for a while. We were all yellin' and hollerin', and she was gettin' down with it, too, with her little grins and all.
I've tried to hold all of this optimism back thinking it may have just been a fluke. But I think we may have it! I emailed her therapist yesterday, and she replied back saying at some point, it just has to click. I think Maya's brain may have been hearin' a morse code machine or something, because that's exactly what it did. It just clicked. PRAISE. THE. LORD.
This is honestly a ginormous answer to many, many prayers. There were times my mind was seriously wondering stuff about feeding tubes, and there was even a tiny bit of discussion about it with the therapist last week. Nothing like we were about to 'go there', but we all just talked about it. God heard us, though, and as usual, he came through . . . shinin' like a Porter Wagoner outfit, I tell ya.
In other news . . .
We had our final checkup with the cardiologist today. He said that every time he examines her, he learns something new. This time he did a lot of imaging with her pulmonary valve. This is what Dr. Chambers said may have to eventually be replaced. He explained that sometimes with the kind of surgery Maya had, they surgeon will cut completely through the valve to do whatever it is he needs to do. That pretty much makes the valve useless, and it has to be repaired immediately. He didn't say this, but I imagine that they probably take care of this while they're doing the surgery for the original problem. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but . . . well, you know.
Anyway, They didn't cut through her entire valve, but they did cut through part of it, which kinda made it a one way street. Go 'all or nothin' with me here, ok? Basically, her valve works some, but not exactly like it should. Its all good for now, sorta like her patch covering up that hole, but eventually that valve will probably have to be repaired, too. So now we're looking at two eventual problems. Nothing in the near future, but when she really gets growing they'll have to be addressed. I guess when I said 'final checkup', I just meant that we don't have to go every month anymore. He still wants to see us every 6-8 months to keep checking on those other pesky little issues.
But for now, well, we're just gonna eat. And I'm ok with that.
And since you're so happy for us, too, go make yourself a sundae. It's Friday, people.
Love,
Paige
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Fire And Ice
Gavin and I did the coolest thing today. Sometimes school can get boring, but then sometimes you can make candles. Candles made out of wax and ICE!
This was so much fun, and really easy to do.
Wash out a milk carton and grab your materials . . .
Make yourself a double boiler using a wide pan and a large tin can. Put several cubes of wax into the can, and let the hot water do its thing and melt the wax . . .
Once the wax has melted, gather up a bunch of ice cubes and alternate layers of ice and glitter (you want to make sure you've got glitter going all through your candle) into your milk carton . . .
So, I skipped the part about tying candle wick around the pencil and letting it drop into the carton. You should do that before doing all of this other stuff.
Moving on . . .once your wax has melted completely, carefully pour it into the carton . . .
And here's what you've got . . .
Tomorrow we'll untie the wick from the pencil and peel away the paper carton. The melted ice will leave holes all throughout the candle, making for a pretty little piece of decoration.
Check back for the finished product!
The Truth
We're smack-dab in the middle of Gavin's school day. He's working on science and I've just changed Maya's diaper and took her to a new 'center', so I have a few minutes to write about the truth of these days.
Rewind just a bit . . . I started making frequent trips to Birmingham a few weeks ago for Maya's therapy. Right now, we're concentrating on OT just so she can figure out how to eat. Plain and simple . . . how to eat. Oooooh, no. NOT plain and simple.
When the therapist says, "I'm not sure how we're gonna handle this", you know the ride has just begun, and the hill you're descending down is about to go into a black hole. A hole that is JET BLACK, and gives no hint of light from the other side.
We're in the hole, and its dark.
Things are hard. They're hard for us as Maya's family, and I know they're hard for her. She doesn't understand the rubber contraption that's being circled around her mouth, just to get her used to a different feeling. She doesn't understand the syringe with the big tube on the end that's put way back in her mouth. She doesn't understand the feeling and taste of the food that's put on the back of her tongue. To her, its an invasion. To us, its basic.
She has no idea how to make herself swallow. While being fed with a bottle, the food is just automatically put down her throat, and she doesn't have to make an effort to get it where it needs to go. Her cognitive skills are so low right now, that her brain has no idea what to do. We don't know if its from her Down's being so severe, or if its a combination of that and the neglect she suffered in an institution. We'll never know for sure, but the truth is, we're all frustrated.
I've prayed so hard over the last couple of weeks for God to give me the understanding and patience I need to get through her at-home part of her therapy. I mean, how in the world do you TEACH a person to just simply swallow?
God has answered my prayers, and I've made it through these feedings with a renewed since of compassion for my little girl. When I stop to think about all of the things she's missed . . . love, touch, food, eye contact . . . all of those basic things in life, I have to literally 'renew my mind' and realize that this little girl is in need. She's in need of the basics, and the truth is, God has brought her here for us to provide those things for her.
I know that I've painted such a pretty picture of adoption. What I feel like I've failed on, though, is bringing the truth to some aspects. I would never, ever want to discourage a family that's considering adoption. And I would never, ever want to change a thing that's happened with us over the past year. The hard part of it is not knowing what in the world really happened with your child. WHY did whatever-that-was have to happen? How long will these hard things last? Will she EVER talk to me? Will she EVER learn how to eat food? Will she EVER learn to walk?
Remember where that point of obedience to the Lord comes in, and you develop that compassion for tiny children who never even know what they're missing? That's when you become overwhelmed with a sense of urgency for those just like Maya who are dying simply because they're 5, and they've been moved to an adult mental institution. This happened to Stacey, a little girl in Eastern Europe with Down Syndrome. She 'aged out' of her orphanage and was moved, and died just a few months later. WHY? Because she was neglected. Sheer neglect. You can't treat a mentally disabled 5-year-old as an adult and expect him or her to thrive.
Every day takes a new energy. And every day, God provides that new energy. While we worked on feeding this morning, God gave me the encouragement I needed. Maya swallowed probably 30% (I have no idea how I came up with that percentage, but it seems to make sense) of what was put in her mouth. That seems like a low number, but compared to other days, this was a pretty successful feeding time.
She doesn't enjoy it at all. She fights for most of the session, but somehow a little bit made it to her tummy. We're hoping that the more we do this, she'll recognize the routine and keep swallowing. As far as her PT goes, she doesn't enjoy her tummy time much, either, but if one of the other kids gets in front of her as we're working, its enough of a distraction that we can get through ten minutes or so of playtime in that position.
My friend and sounding board, Tesney, wrote a blog post last week kinda laying it all out. All adoptions require sacrifice, extra time, lots of money, and all aspects of understanding. With very special needs, though, comes a whole different myriad of emotions and requirements. But this is absolutely what we wanted, and what God wanted. One thing that's extra-special about Maya is her happiness. She's been through so very much, but she still gives the sweetest smiles and squeals of laughter. Even during feeding sessions, before her tears have even dried on her face, she'll find something to make her laugh. Sometimes in her crib when she's alone, I'll hear her laughing. Simply amazing.
I've said it before, but I really do think God reveals himself to these special kids in very special ways. His heart is so incredibly close to children, and I believe that sometimes he must comfort her in a way that we're still not able to recognize or do. I know that Maya's life now is so much better than it was three months ago. I don't say that to bring attention to Craig and me, but God is the one that called us to this purpose. He's the one that is equipping us with what we need to provide for ALL of our kids everyday.
Sometimes I really do have to stop and think of what God has blessed us with. He's given us a child that can find happiness, joy and contentment is almost anything.
Many times, I have stopped and thought of the ways that he's confirmed what we're doing. And I have to stop and think of my thankfulness to him for the people that have made things easier for us. Just last night, I met a lady that I was buying a jumperoo from. We were messaging back and forth on Facebook, so I told her a little of our story. She was selling this thing to me for $15, which was a steal as far as I was concerned. Maya loves the jumperoo in the church nursery, and its great exercise for her legs. It was very much worth $15. Twenty minutes after I left, I got another message from her saying that her heart told her to tear up my $15 check. She wanted the toy to be a gift. I can't tell you how many times something like that has happened. Sometimes you just need a little confirmation to help you to keep going.
So what's the truth? The truth is that this whole process is hard. Its trying. Its tiring. We're trying to make sure that our other children continue to feel important, too, while helping one who is weak just learn how to adapt in a home and family. The other truth, though, outweighs all of that. The truth is, Maya is precious. God made her perfectly. God knew her whole picture. God is using this whole bunch of us to bring his plan for her to light. And we're all a family. A family of six . . . praise the Lord for our full quiver!
The truth is that no matter what challenges we face, God is giving us a love for Maya that makes us want to see her as he does. And because of this, we'll fight for her, claim her, and help her to be everything in the world that he wants her to be.
Love,
Paige
Rewind just a bit . . . I started making frequent trips to Birmingham a few weeks ago for Maya's therapy. Right now, we're concentrating on OT just so she can figure out how to eat. Plain and simple . . . how to eat. Oooooh, no. NOT plain and simple.
When the therapist says, "I'm not sure how we're gonna handle this", you know the ride has just begun, and the hill you're descending down is about to go into a black hole. A hole that is JET BLACK, and gives no hint of light from the other side.
We're in the hole, and its dark.
Things are hard. They're hard for us as Maya's family, and I know they're hard for her. She doesn't understand the rubber contraption that's being circled around her mouth, just to get her used to a different feeling. She doesn't understand the syringe with the big tube on the end that's put way back in her mouth. She doesn't understand the feeling and taste of the food that's put on the back of her tongue. To her, its an invasion. To us, its basic.
She has no idea how to make herself swallow. While being fed with a bottle, the food is just automatically put down her throat, and she doesn't have to make an effort to get it where it needs to go. Her cognitive skills are so low right now, that her brain has no idea what to do. We don't know if its from her Down's being so severe, or if its a combination of that and the neglect she suffered in an institution. We'll never know for sure, but the truth is, we're all frustrated.
I've prayed so hard over the last couple of weeks for God to give me the understanding and patience I need to get through her at-home part of her therapy. I mean, how in the world do you TEACH a person to just simply swallow?
God has answered my prayers, and I've made it through these feedings with a renewed since of compassion for my little girl. When I stop to think about all of the things she's missed . . . love, touch, food, eye contact . . . all of those basic things in life, I have to literally 'renew my mind' and realize that this little girl is in need. She's in need of the basics, and the truth is, God has brought her here for us to provide those things for her.
I know that I've painted such a pretty picture of adoption. What I feel like I've failed on, though, is bringing the truth to some aspects. I would never, ever want to discourage a family that's considering adoption. And I would never, ever want to change a thing that's happened with us over the past year. The hard part of it is not knowing what in the world really happened with your child. WHY did whatever-that-was have to happen? How long will these hard things last? Will she EVER talk to me? Will she EVER learn how to eat food? Will she EVER learn to walk?
Remember where that point of obedience to the Lord comes in, and you develop that compassion for tiny children who never even know what they're missing? That's when you become overwhelmed with a sense of urgency for those just like Maya who are dying simply because they're 5, and they've been moved to an adult mental institution. This happened to Stacey, a little girl in Eastern Europe with Down Syndrome. She 'aged out' of her orphanage and was moved, and died just a few months later. WHY? Because she was neglected. Sheer neglect. You can't treat a mentally disabled 5-year-old as an adult and expect him or her to thrive.
Every day takes a new energy. And every day, God provides that new energy. While we worked on feeding this morning, God gave me the encouragement I needed. Maya swallowed probably 30% (I have no idea how I came up with that percentage, but it seems to make sense) of what was put in her mouth. That seems like a low number, but compared to other days, this was a pretty successful feeding time.
She doesn't enjoy it at all. She fights for most of the session, but somehow a little bit made it to her tummy. We're hoping that the more we do this, she'll recognize the routine and keep swallowing. As far as her PT goes, she doesn't enjoy her tummy time much, either, but if one of the other kids gets in front of her as we're working, its enough of a distraction that we can get through ten minutes or so of playtime in that position.
My friend and sounding board, Tesney, wrote a blog post last week kinda laying it all out. All adoptions require sacrifice, extra time, lots of money, and all aspects of understanding. With very special needs, though, comes a whole different myriad of emotions and requirements. But this is absolutely what we wanted, and what God wanted. One thing that's extra-special about Maya is her happiness. She's been through so very much, but she still gives the sweetest smiles and squeals of laughter. Even during feeding sessions, before her tears have even dried on her face, she'll find something to make her laugh. Sometimes in her crib when she's alone, I'll hear her laughing. Simply amazing.
I've said it before, but I really do think God reveals himself to these special kids in very special ways. His heart is so incredibly close to children, and I believe that sometimes he must comfort her in a way that we're still not able to recognize or do. I know that Maya's life now is so much better than it was three months ago. I don't say that to bring attention to Craig and me, but God is the one that called us to this purpose. He's the one that is equipping us with what we need to provide for ALL of our kids everyday.
Sometimes I really do have to stop and think of what God has blessed us with. He's given us a child that can find happiness, joy and contentment is almost anything.
Many times, I have stopped and thought of the ways that he's confirmed what we're doing. And I have to stop and think of my thankfulness to him for the people that have made things easier for us. Just last night, I met a lady that I was buying a jumperoo from. We were messaging back and forth on Facebook, so I told her a little of our story. She was selling this thing to me for $15, which was a steal as far as I was concerned. Maya loves the jumperoo in the church nursery, and its great exercise for her legs. It was very much worth $15. Twenty minutes after I left, I got another message from her saying that her heart told her to tear up my $15 check. She wanted the toy to be a gift. I can't tell you how many times something like that has happened. Sometimes you just need a little confirmation to help you to keep going.
So what's the truth? The truth is that this whole process is hard. Its trying. Its tiring. We're trying to make sure that our other children continue to feel important, too, while helping one who is weak just learn how to adapt in a home and family. The other truth, though, outweighs all of that. The truth is, Maya is precious. God made her perfectly. God knew her whole picture. God is using this whole bunch of us to bring his plan for her to light. And we're all a family. A family of six . . . praise the Lord for our full quiver!
The truth is that no matter what challenges we face, God is giving us a love for Maya that makes us want to see her as he does. And because of this, we'll fight for her, claim her, and help her to be everything in the world that he wants her to be.
Love,
Paige
Sunday, August 25, 2013
The Sam's Experiment
Let me start off by making it clear that we ARE NOT wealthy people. Ok. Everybody got that? Good . . . now let's move on.
Since we ARE NOT wealthy people, our family has learned to live on a monthly budget. This means that at the 1st of every month, Craig and I sit down together and we discuss how much money will come in, and how much money we expect to spend in the different categories we've got lined up. This works well for us. Not that everything always works out to the penny, because there's plenty of times money doesn't come in as expected. And there's plenty of times that things happen that can't be planned for, like car repairs, doctor visits, etc. But for the most part, we plan pretty well the coming in's and going out's. Its really helped us in keeping track of our money and being able to save for various things that we want to do, see, and experience.
Another thing its helped us to do is stay out of debt. Craig and I have been married for seven years, and through careful planning and a little bit of frugality, we've managed to stay debt-free, with the exception of our monthly house payment. So let me draw your attention back to the first statement. I don't work outside of our home, so we live off of one income. We certainly don't live lavishly. My van is seven years old, and Craig's car is twelve years old, but they're paid for. Our house is pretty big, but it certainly isn't fancy. You won't find a single recessed light bulb, Jacuzzi tub, or swimming pool. For us, its more important to have experiences as a family as opposed to stuff. Not that stuff is bad, but we just like to have fun more. The next point is a little bit of a 'grrr' between me and Craig, but I have to say that he's definitely in the right, because he LOVES to save money. I love to SPEND money. I'm not a big shopper, but again, I love vacations, roller coasters, and airplanes. Those things all involve spending more than $20 at a time. But, we save money and that's important . . . so says Craig. Yes. Roller coasters are notimporta . . . oh yes they are. Sometimes.
Anyway, since we became the family that has four children now (see that other post from a couple of weeks ago) we're learning to become even MORE frugal. I love hand-me-downs, garage sales, thrift stores, and SAM'S CLUB. So, here's my point . . .
Eating out and daily grocery store trips are no fun anymore . . . not at all. Eating out sometimes seemed easier because of schedules that kept us here and there, and if I didn't plan a menu ahead of time, that required me figuring meals out on the fly and heading to Publix EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I know every single aisle in that store, and I can tell you where an exact item is located on the aisle. I don't like knowing that information. If I know it that well, Publix should then hire me to work the phones from home giving out customer service information, so I'd rather be ignorant.
I had an idea of getting a Sam's card and shopping there monthly for all of the food, personal care, and home cleaning supplies we'd use in a month. The main goal was to buy all of our meat, lunch food, snacks, and drinks. So, me and my mom headed down there the first Saturday that came in August. I didn't have a list, simply because I wasn't sure what all I would find that we'd actually eat. I wish I had taken a picture of my buggy . . . or buggIES. I mean, do you know that Sam's buggies are GINORMOUS? I filled up almost TWO ENTIRE BUGGIES. It was absolutely awesome. I bought it all . . . chicken, pork tenderloins, ground round, sandwich meat, cheese, frozen pizzas, chips, brownies, milk, vegetables, frozen BBQ . . . I can't even tell you all the stuff I bought. What I CAN tell you, though, is that same day, I shooooore did go out and buy myself a deep freezer for the garage. Filled that joker up. That day, I spent $525 on food we'd eat for the entire month and for the other stuff we use frequently. Now, Craig or I will go to Publix once or twice a week for fresh produce, bread, and the 'fillers' that we use for our meals. But. In one month, we've managed to save almost $300 from our food budget alone. If we continue on this track, we'll have saved $3600 by the end of the year. That's just on food cost alone!
Please don't take all of this the wrong way. I'm not writing this out of arrogance. I've been in the circles of people that were trying to figure out cheaper and easier ways to feed our families, wash our clothes, and still save money in the process. Many times, I've initiated those conversations just trying desperately to get ideas from other mamas. But, oh my goodness, I think I've figured it out! Its by buying a SAM'S MEMBERSHIP! $300 saved in a month is an awful lot for us. I mean, do you realize that's a Six Flags trip?!
I do. I realize it. And I might just plan a little vacation for us. And the Cowart girls, and maybe even Ellen. But that's a whole 'nuther blog post . . .
Love,
Paige
Since we ARE NOT wealthy people, our family has learned to live on a monthly budget. This means that at the 1st of every month, Craig and I sit down together and we discuss how much money will come in, and how much money we expect to spend in the different categories we've got lined up. This works well for us. Not that everything always works out to the penny, because there's plenty of times money doesn't come in as expected. And there's plenty of times that things happen that can't be planned for, like car repairs, doctor visits, etc. But for the most part, we plan pretty well the coming in's and going out's. Its really helped us in keeping track of our money and being able to save for various things that we want to do, see, and experience.
Another thing its helped us to do is stay out of debt. Craig and I have been married for seven years, and through careful planning and a little bit of frugality, we've managed to stay debt-free, with the exception of our monthly house payment. So let me draw your attention back to the first statement. I don't work outside of our home, so we live off of one income. We certainly don't live lavishly. My van is seven years old, and Craig's car is twelve years old, but they're paid for. Our house is pretty big, but it certainly isn't fancy. You won't find a single recessed light bulb, Jacuzzi tub, or swimming pool. For us, its more important to have experiences as a family as opposed to stuff. Not that stuff is bad, but we just like to have fun more. The next point is a little bit of a 'grrr' between me and Craig, but I have to say that he's definitely in the right, because he LOVES to save money. I love to SPEND money. I'm not a big shopper, but again, I love vacations, roller coasters, and airplanes. Those things all involve spending more than $20 at a time. But, we save money and that's important . . . so says Craig. Yes. Roller coasters are not
Anyway, since we became the family that has four children now (see that other post from a couple of weeks ago) we're learning to become even MORE frugal. I love hand-me-downs, garage sales, thrift stores, and SAM'S CLUB. So, here's my point . . .
Eating out and daily grocery store trips are no fun anymore . . . not at all. Eating out sometimes seemed easier because of schedules that kept us here and there, and if I didn't plan a menu ahead of time, that required me figuring meals out on the fly and heading to Publix EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I know every single aisle in that store, and I can tell you where an exact item is located on the aisle. I don't like knowing that information. If I know it that well, Publix should then hire me to work the phones from home giving out customer service information, so I'd rather be ignorant.
I had an idea of getting a Sam's card and shopping there monthly for all of the food, personal care, and home cleaning supplies we'd use in a month. The main goal was to buy all of our meat, lunch food, snacks, and drinks. So, me and my mom headed down there the first Saturday that came in August. I didn't have a list, simply because I wasn't sure what all I would find that we'd actually eat. I wish I had taken a picture of my buggy . . . or buggIES. I mean, do you know that Sam's buggies are GINORMOUS? I filled up almost TWO ENTIRE BUGGIES. It was absolutely awesome. I bought it all . . . chicken, pork tenderloins, ground round, sandwich meat, cheese, frozen pizzas, chips, brownies, milk, vegetables, frozen BBQ . . . I can't even tell you all the stuff I bought. What I CAN tell you, though, is that same day, I shooooore did go out and buy myself a deep freezer for the garage. Filled that joker up. That day, I spent $525 on food we'd eat for the entire month and for the other stuff we use frequently. Now, Craig or I will go to Publix once or twice a week for fresh produce, bread, and the 'fillers' that we use for our meals. But. In one month, we've managed to save almost $300 from our food budget alone. If we continue on this track, we'll have saved $3600 by the end of the year. That's just on food cost alone!
Please don't take all of this the wrong way. I'm not writing this out of arrogance. I've been in the circles of people that were trying to figure out cheaper and easier ways to feed our families, wash our clothes, and still save money in the process. Many times, I've initiated those conversations just trying desperately to get ideas from other mamas. But, oh my goodness, I think I've figured it out! Its by buying a SAM'S MEMBERSHIP! $300 saved in a month is an awful lot for us. I mean, do you realize that's a Six Flags trip?!
I do. I realize it. And I might just plan a little vacation for us. And the Cowart girls, and maybe even Ellen. But that's a whole 'nuther blog post . . .
Love,
Paige
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Cardiology and IAC Check-Up
We've had a week of doctor's appointments.
We started off Monday at the cardiologist to have a re-check since we ditched three of her heart meds. She's doing really well. So well, in fact, that our kiddo is MEDICINE FREE! Dr. Colvin didn't see the need to continue the Lasix that she was still taking, so he said we were done . . . for now. When he did the ultrasound, we could see that there's still some backflow coming back in once the blood is pumped out, but he didn't think that it was enough to worry about for the time being. He also checked her liver to make sure that there was no swelling there, and we got the all-clear on that, too. We'll go back once more in six weeks to re-check, but he expects everything will be fine.
Today we went back to the International Adoption Clinic for a follow-up. Things have gotten kind of frustrating the last few days with Maya's eating and drinking, or the lack thereof, really. We've been trying to get her used to a spoon since we left clinic the first time. For the first week, things were really good and we believed that we were making some headway. But, things got frustrating and she really began spitting more out than she took in. We were never really trying to make a 'meal' out of the practice runs, just trying to get her desensitized to objects in her mouth. The good thing is that her gag reflex finally went away. When we first brought her home, and when we were still in Bulgaria, if anything even touched her tongue other than her bottle, she'd instantly gag. She's not doing that anymore, but she's also STOPPED taking her liquids. We were having to give her liquids through a syringe, but the last three days, she got to where she would get really upset, and she'd just hold it in her mouth. Most of it would eventually come out. Frustration doesn't do justice to what we were feeling. We knew she needed to drink, especially before the appointment today. We were going to try and get her blood drawn since we weren't able to do it last time, but it was a no-go again. This is still due to her lack of fluids and a large part is also due to her low muscle tone. Your veins are held in place by your muscles, and when there's no muscle to hold them, they kinda just flop all over the place. That makes trying to get a stick very difficult. We're gonna try that again in three months, hoping that between now and then these issues will be resolved somewhat.
Back to the liquids and feeding issues . . . Dr. Chambers has told us just to stop trying to do the synringe method. Since we're all getting frustrated with each other, she said it just wasn't worth it. She's peeing well, so she's not dangerously dehydrated. We had a session with the occupational therapist today (who also happens to be a feeding specialist) and she worked with her a lot on the spoon. She also suggested that we try and just see what would happen if we just put straight formula in her bottle. Do you know she took that stuff like a champ out of that bottle? She ended up spitting up a good bit, but she got it in! The plan now is to take the cereal out (since we really only used that to make the bottle thicker . . . there's really no nutritional benefit there) and just put formula and baby food in. I tried that with her once we got home, and she did GREAT. She did spit up some, but, by golly, she took it, and that was the goal. I also tried working with her on her spoon feeding. It wasn't anywhere near perfect, but we got through it and I think she kept a good bit in. The problem is in swallowing. With a bottle, she can't help but swallow. It all comes from that little natural reflex we have as babies. But with a spoon, its a different process, different feeling, and a different method that's completely foreign to her. She doesn't even really know what in the world is going in her mouth, because all she's known is the feeling of that bottle nipple. So, any progress is good progress, and today we've made an teeny-weeny amount of progress.
Maya also had an audiology appointment today. Normal hearing tests would show that sound is acknowledged between 0-25 decibels, but most of her results came in a 40-50 decibels. That may seem a little worrisome, but the audiologist thought that those results came in like that because that's where a child at her developmental age (6-9 months) would score. The computer-based test that evaluated her cochlea looked fine, and they relied heavily on that, too.
We'll keep seeing the feeding specialist in Birmingham until we get this resolved. Its inconvenient, its costly, its frequent, but we vowed to do whatever it took to take care of her. We want the best for her, and as far as this issue goes, this is best.
We have a meeting with Early Intervention next Thursday, so we'll see where that takes us with her other therapy needs.
Keep praying for us. We all need understanding, patience, and GRACE to get through this 'stuff'. Its not all fun and games, but we knew it wouldn't be. Everything else is great, so we can be thankful that we only have to really focus on one big problem for now.
Love y'all!
Paige
We started off Monday at the cardiologist to have a re-check since we ditched three of her heart meds. She's doing really well. So well, in fact, that our kiddo is MEDICINE FREE! Dr. Colvin didn't see the need to continue the Lasix that she was still taking, so he said we were done . . . for now. When he did the ultrasound, we could see that there's still some backflow coming back in once the blood is pumped out, but he didn't think that it was enough to worry about for the time being. He also checked her liver to make sure that there was no swelling there, and we got the all-clear on that, too. We'll go back once more in six weeks to re-check, but he expects everything will be fine.
Today we went back to the International Adoption Clinic for a follow-up. Things have gotten kind of frustrating the last few days with Maya's eating and drinking, or the lack thereof, really. We've been trying to get her used to a spoon since we left clinic the first time. For the first week, things were really good and we believed that we were making some headway. But, things got frustrating and she really began spitting more out than she took in. We were never really trying to make a 'meal' out of the practice runs, just trying to get her desensitized to objects in her mouth. The good thing is that her gag reflex finally went away. When we first brought her home, and when we were still in Bulgaria, if anything even touched her tongue other than her bottle, she'd instantly gag. She's not doing that anymore, but she's also STOPPED taking her liquids. We were having to give her liquids through a syringe, but the last three days, she got to where she would get really upset, and she'd just hold it in her mouth. Most of it would eventually come out. Frustration doesn't do justice to what we were feeling. We knew she needed to drink, especially before the appointment today. We were going to try and get her blood drawn since we weren't able to do it last time, but it was a no-go again. This is still due to her lack of fluids and a large part is also due to her low muscle tone. Your veins are held in place by your muscles, and when there's no muscle to hold them, they kinda just flop all over the place. That makes trying to get a stick very difficult. We're gonna try that again in three months, hoping that between now and then these issues will be resolved somewhat.
Back to the liquids and feeding issues . . . Dr. Chambers has told us just to stop trying to do the synringe method. Since we're all getting frustrated with each other, she said it just wasn't worth it. She's peeing well, so she's not dangerously dehydrated. We had a session with the occupational therapist today (who also happens to be a feeding specialist) and she worked with her a lot on the spoon. She also suggested that we try and just see what would happen if we just put straight formula in her bottle. Do you know she took that stuff like a champ out of that bottle? She ended up spitting up a good bit, but she got it in! The plan now is to take the cereal out (since we really only used that to make the bottle thicker . . . there's really no nutritional benefit there) and just put formula and baby food in. I tried that with her once we got home, and she did GREAT. She did spit up some, but, by golly, she took it, and that was the goal. I also tried working with her on her spoon feeding. It wasn't anywhere near perfect, but we got through it and I think she kept a good bit in. The problem is in swallowing. With a bottle, she can't help but swallow. It all comes from that little natural reflex we have as babies. But with a spoon, its a different process, different feeling, and a different method that's completely foreign to her. She doesn't even really know what in the world is going in her mouth, because all she's known is the feeling of that bottle nipple. So, any progress is good progress, and today we've made an teeny-weeny amount of progress.
Maya also had an audiology appointment today. Normal hearing tests would show that sound is acknowledged between 0-25 decibels, but most of her results came in a 40-50 decibels. That may seem a little worrisome, but the audiologist thought that those results came in like that because that's where a child at her developmental age (6-9 months) would score. The computer-based test that evaluated her cochlea looked fine, and they relied heavily on that, too.
We'll keep seeing the feeding specialist in Birmingham until we get this resolved. Its inconvenient, its costly, its frequent, but we vowed to do whatever it took to take care of her. We want the best for her, and as far as this issue goes, this is best.
We have a meeting with Early Intervention next Thursday, so we'll see where that takes us with her other therapy needs.
Keep praying for us. We all need understanding, patience, and GRACE to get through this 'stuff'. Its not all fun and games, but we knew it wouldn't be. Everything else is great, so we can be thankful that we only have to really focus on one big problem for now.
Love y'all!
Paige
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
We Have FOUR Kids Now
Four.
Four kids.
Craig and I walk around absent-mindedly sometimes just repeating this statement.
WE HAVE FOUR KIDS.
We're learning that constant noise, constant questions, and constant runs up and down the stairs
are very normal these days.
One day last week, we started laughing hysterically with what all was going on at the same time. We had just finished dinner. I had a load of laundry in the washing machine. Our washing machine isn't balanced right or something, so lots of times, it sounds and feels like the entire house we live in is being shook right off of its foundation. And at this particular moment, it started its spin cycle and we all started movin' and shakin'. At the same particular moment, Maya was in her bouncy seat, moving her head 'round and 'round making her 'uuuuhhhhh ahhhhhh' noises, getting louder as her head moved around to the front and softer as it moved to the back. Daisee had gotten pretty furious about the TV not being on her favorite show, so she was just standing there, screaming. Gavin was sitting with his elbows propped up on the table, BEGGING me to let him get up, because he just couldn't eat ANY. MORE. And Ryan was just . . . well, he was just there, taking it all in. Please, people. Imagine this, will you? Craig and I just looked at each other. I mean, what do you do? You just laugh. Then you say . . . 'We have four kids'.
We're really beginning to learn what the new normal is like. Sometimes its hectic . . . oh, good grief, its always hectic. ALWAYS. Ryan is going back and forth to football practice, sometimes twice a day. He doesn't drive, so I'm usually the one going up and down the road. I'm SO THANKFUL that TCHS is just a little ways down the road. He loves being the team manager. The first few days he was interacting with the team members a lot, working with the kickers and the passers some. Lately, though, he's been filming the practices. Its been hot and I've been waiting on him to start complaining about the heat, but he really hasn't. He's made some new friends, and he's reconnected with old friends from his elementary school, so its been really good for him. He's about to promote again with Civil Air Patrol. He's almost halfway to completing the program, so from here on its gonna be a lot of hard work for him. His progress and promotions will slow down some because of that, but the dedication and hard work he's done with them will be successful and worth it in the end, I'm sure. Especially if he continues to desire a position with the Navy or the Air Force. As the days progress, I'm believing more and more that this is where he's headed. Although he's only fourteen, he's solid in what he desires to do with his life, and at this point, I think he's gonna stick with it.
Gavin got braces a couple of weeks ago . . .
When you see the Plaster of Paris box, you know things are about to get good. That's not everything, but you get the idea of where I'm goin'.
Daisee is continuing to act like a 30-year-old. I don't know where she gets all of her 'stuff', but she's a priss. I was making her bed the other day and she wanted to know why. I told her that some people were coming to look at our house, and she told me how 'interesting' she thought that was. She loves to paint. Everything. She loves to paint everything. Not just paper. See? . . .
Don't miss the fact that my kitchen table is its own work of art. She's only halfway through here, so by the time she was done, it was hard to tell the table from the paper. She's excited to go back to school. Almost every year she's gone she's had to be PEELED off of me the first few days, but I don't think that'll be a problem this year. Craig and I have decided that from now on, including kindergarten, she's either gonna be the teacher's pet, or the teacher's nightmare. You've really got to appreciate the kind of personality she has to love her to death. But I do. She cracks me up . . . a lot.
And Maya.
Maya is doing really, really great. We're working on some initial home therapy exercises, and, weeeellll . . . it doesn't go so great most of the time. I think she still thinks a spoon is a creation of Satan, and tummy time isn't usually pleasant. We only spoon-feed and make her play on her tummy a few minutes a day, but I think we're all glad when that part's over. However, she's becoming a lot more responsive to being held and loved on. I even got a big smile from her this morning as she was laying on my lap . . .
Four kids.
Craig and I walk around absent-mindedly sometimes just repeating this statement.
WE HAVE FOUR KIDS.
We're learning that constant noise, constant questions, and constant runs up and down the stairs
are very normal these days.
One day last week, we started laughing hysterically with what all was going on at the same time. We had just finished dinner. I had a load of laundry in the washing machine. Our washing machine isn't balanced right or something, so lots of times, it sounds and feels like the entire house we live in is being shook right off of its foundation. And at this particular moment, it started its spin cycle and we all started movin' and shakin'. At the same particular moment, Maya was in her bouncy seat, moving her head 'round and 'round making her 'uuuuhhhhh ahhhhhh' noises, getting louder as her head moved around to the front and softer as it moved to the back. Daisee had gotten pretty furious about the TV not being on her favorite show, so she was just standing there, screaming. Gavin was sitting with his elbows propped up on the table, BEGGING me to let him get up, because he just couldn't eat ANY. MORE. And Ryan was just . . . well, he was just there, taking it all in. Please, people. Imagine this, will you? Craig and I just looked at each other. I mean, what do you do? You just laugh. Then you say . . . 'We have four kids'.
We're really beginning to learn what the new normal is like. Sometimes its hectic . . . oh, good grief, its always hectic. ALWAYS. Ryan is going back and forth to football practice, sometimes twice a day. He doesn't drive, so I'm usually the one going up and down the road. I'm SO THANKFUL that TCHS is just a little ways down the road. He loves being the team manager. The first few days he was interacting with the team members a lot, working with the kickers and the passers some. Lately, though, he's been filming the practices. Its been hot and I've been waiting on him to start complaining about the heat, but he really hasn't. He's made some new friends, and he's reconnected with old friends from his elementary school, so its been really good for him. He's about to promote again with Civil Air Patrol. He's almost halfway to completing the program, so from here on its gonna be a lot of hard work for him. His progress and promotions will slow down some because of that, but the dedication and hard work he's done with them will be successful and worth it in the end, I'm sure. Especially if he continues to desire a position with the Navy or the Air Force. As the days progress, I'm believing more and more that this is where he's headed. Although he's only fourteen, he's solid in what he desires to do with his life, and at this point, I think he's gonna stick with it.
Gavin got braces a couple of weeks ago . . .
He was pretty excited about getting them. Now I think he's pretty excited about getting them taken off. Poor kid needs lots of work done on his teeth, and this is just the initial stage of getting started. I hear the cash register bell dingin' away already.
We're getting ready to start school again. We won't start for another couple of weeks, 'cause there's a lot going on right now (see above description). We're gonna wait until Daisee starts back to preschool so there's only one other little kid here to take care of while we're taking care of schoolwork during the day. Sometime amidst the chaos, I found time to have already done a month's worth of lesson plans. I didn't do that many at a time even before we had an extra kid. I consider that quite an accomplishment, so YAY ME. I've never been much for artsy-type stuff before now, but we're doing lots of creative stuff this year. I went last night and got most of the things we need for our first month . . .
When you see the Plaster of Paris box, you know things are about to get good. That's not everything, but you get the idea of where I'm goin'.
Daisee is continuing to act like a 30-year-old. I don't know where she gets all of her 'stuff', but she's a priss. I was making her bed the other day and she wanted to know why. I told her that some people were coming to look at our house, and she told me how 'interesting' she thought that was. She loves to paint. Everything. She loves to paint everything. Not just paper. See? . . .
Don't miss the fact that my kitchen table is its own work of art. She's only halfway through here, so by the time she was done, it was hard to tell the table from the paper. She's excited to go back to school. Almost every year she's gone she's had to be PEELED off of me the first few days, but I don't think that'll be a problem this year. Craig and I have decided that from now on, including kindergarten, she's either gonna be the teacher's pet, or the teacher's nightmare. You've really got to appreciate the kind of personality she has to love her to death. But I do. She cracks me up . . . a lot.
And Maya.
Maya is doing really, really great. We're working on some initial home therapy exercises, and, weeeellll . . . it doesn't go so great most of the time. I think she still thinks a spoon is a creation of Satan, and tummy time isn't usually pleasant. We only spoon-feed and make her play on her tummy a few minutes a day, but I think we're all glad when that part's over. However, she's becoming a lot more responsive to being held and loved on. I even got a big smile from her this morning as she was laying on my lap . . .
She'll have her follow-up appointments with Dr. Chambers and Dr. Colvin next week to make sure that progress is definitely being made. She'll also see an audiologist to check her hearing. After that, I think we'll be done with medical stuff for a while.
We've shown our house once. Things are slow with that right now, but we're pretty confident that it'll sell. Maybe not this month or next, but somebody will look at it with the same eyes we did once and fall in love with it. We're hoping to move into a new construction somewhere, so we're keeping up with what's available around here.
So things are good. We're constantly trying to figure out ways to slow down, but we've about decided that's just really not possible right now. Craig and I talked just last night about the pace of everything, but I guess when it comes down to it, as long as everybody's generally happy and active in the things they're involved in, that's probably the point at where we're supposed to be. I can't wait for fall. Its hard to get out of the house right now when the air is as thick as butter. When that first cool front comes through, though, we'll hit the parks and learn to love the outdoors again. At least that'll feel like slowing down, if we can all get outside and just run a little bit, you know?
We have four kids and we're crazy busy, but we're thankful and enjoying our lives with them. They make us laugh, make us love, and make us want to bang our heads against a wall sometimes, but there's not a single thing we would change.
It's a crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.
Love,
Paige
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